Not having a boyfriend is harder work than I expected. Juggling schedules and keeping each on their corner is not exactly fun.
I thought being single meant I see guys when I see them and I have fun when I do. But that’s not what’s been happening. They ask too many questions.
Today James sent a message inquiring about my weekend plans. The retarded here goes and tells him “I’m going to Galway!”. He replies with “nice, maybe I should come along ;)”.
It’s my fault, I could just not mention anything and say I have plans with friends or what not. Wouldn’t be lying. I consider Lars more a friend than anything. He’s the one I’m certain I don’twant anything serious with. He’s a nice guy that reminds too much of my ex-bf. James, on the other hand, is a nice guy I could see myself getting serious with, in the future, if nothing else happens, and I have a complete and total mental breakdown and decide to get serious with anyone.
I replied to him that we were joining a tour to Connemara, and it was all set, so no time to meet in Galway or anything. That’s actually true, except that we’ll clearly have some free time at nights.
He then proceeds to ask who “we” was. And I say right out “me and a friend”. Thank you, English, for being a gender-free language.
In the end I already know what’s going to happen. I don’t feel comfortable with this story anymore. I’ll keep Lars as a friend and James for the weekends.
I should know that it would never be as easy as it seemed. I think to pull something like this you to either go all out and let them know what you’re up to (which I have no guts to do whatsoever), or be able to juggle people and hide all your steps (something at which I apparently suck).
The birthday party debacle made me aware of how not ready I am to play this thing. I’m trying to put a very “I’m wild and mature and I’ll do what I want” type of face, but in the end, I’m just a silly kid, who couldn’t possibly eat two desserts without making a mess of herself.
But at least I can be mature enough to know this is not for me. I don’t even like dessert anyway. I always preferred savoury stuff.