I’ll eventually explain in details my life prior to the whole dating business, but just to sum it quickly, I was in a long term relationship, very serious and committed. And eventually I wasn’t anymore, and I felt quite lost without having the boyfriend attached to me. I didn’t know how to date. And I had just moved to a new country.
My self-esteem is high enough for me to be aware of how nice and hot I am and that I should have no problem finding someone. But at the first someone that I found, my brain went into overdrive. Should I date him? After seeing him multiple times, were we dating? Did I want to be dating someone?
I was never one for being casual. Most guys I kissed ended up becoming serious boyfriends.
I was able to calm my hyper brain down and decided that now I was on a different moment in life, so I wanted something to match, something different. I vowed to myself I would become a casual dater. Go out, have fun, have sex, and not worry about if there would be a next day to that story.
And I was doing fairly well at this. Until I realized that I’m sort of feeding a relationship with one of these guys. I’m gonna call him James, because he kinda looks like James Hetfield, from Metallica.
I said to myself “we’re not dating, that’s clear on my side”: he never calls (we only exchange text messages), he never says he misses me, and I don’t either. We never discuss our personal lives in detail. We go out, we enjoy the time and we have sex. We only see each other maybe once a month. It’s the complete opposite of what I considered a relationship, up to now.
But at the same time, he texts me every single day, and we haven’t stopped seeing each other for four months now. It’s certainly not a gf-bf situation, but it’s a bit more than just date and go. I’m afraid this could actually be going somewhere. And in more than one situation, it has made me think twice before going on a date.
James is so different from me, in every single sense, it would be hard to envision a future with him. And at the same time, all my friends tell me I should be looking for someone that’s different, because I always went for guys who are exactly like me and see where that landed me. But it feels counterintuitive to do so, and makes me feel I’m going in the wrong direction.
And yet, I can’t bring myself to not go out with him, every now and then.
Is this a trap? Am I falling for him because I’m used to doing so? There are other guys that I’ve seen more than once (I’ll tell about them in the future), but James is in the lead in number of dates and also in number times I caught myself thinking about him and smiling.