You know something is wrong when you’re actively search for people to date, instead of people to meet.
That’s, of course, my take on the thing. You don’t have to agree, but I find it inherently f*ed up when we stop looking for people to be friends and acquaintances that may develop into that something else we need, and move to looking at people for their dating qualities. It may be our basic instinct to just look for the most eligible mate to perpetuate our genes, but haven’t we evolved as a species, as a society? Apparently not.
You may call me a hypocrite, but I’ve been dating like crazy lately. And not just dating like crazy lately. The fact that I’m dating at all is a novel item. I’ve never dated. And just to be sure, what I mean is going out with people you’ve hardly know anything about, which you either met through friends or online, in order to define if you’re a possible match.
Where I come from there’s no “dating” in this American movie, match.com/okcupid sense. We meet people casually, sometimes even accidentally, and then proceed to a complicate dance of flirting and “let’s go to the movies with friends” or “there’s this party I’m going with these common acquaintances”. Then it’s followed by the very popular “I may be coming on to you, but then again I may just be a really caring person”, or the in your face approach of simply kissing someone you’re talking with and seems interested. It might go well and end up in someone’s bed. And it may not, and they’ll perhaps punch you, call you a bastard, tell you you got it all wrong and they just want to be friends, but hey, that’s what happens when dating is not explicitly on the plate.
So I’m learning to accept that dating is a necessary evil for people like me, who are not in college or in any sort of larger group activity that will allow them to enlarge their social circle in an organic way. I work, and I’m trying to steer away from work dating given some previous developments in the field of my personal life.
For me, dating is a business transaction. Two people meet, one of them is usually trying hard to impress and sell their product, while the other maintains a buyer position, analyzing everything and trying to balance pros and cons. This, of course, all behind a veil of just having some fun and eating out or seeing a play. It’s never just a dinner or a play. The whole point is evaluating the match and defining if you’d be willing to give them another three-hour slot of your life and perhaps a one-night slot of your bed. Not romantic, not exciting, just transactional.